3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
