These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
