I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
