His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
