After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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