i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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