I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
