So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
