Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
