Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
