Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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