I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
