if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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