brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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