why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize