theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
