Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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