i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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