try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
