so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Im part way to drunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
