I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I will pee on everything he values.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
