Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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