Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
