with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
