Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
