I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
