I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
