All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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