So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
