I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize