I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I need mimosas to revive my soul
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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