is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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