last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
