He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
