dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
