it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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