i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize