I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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