this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
