so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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