the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
