I just cut my nipple shaving
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
