How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
