Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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