does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
