his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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