I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
