I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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