Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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