Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize