Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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