Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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