When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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