bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
