there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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