i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
