im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
