my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
