how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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