Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
