I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
