I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
