Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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