Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
