naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Your penis caused this!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
