I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
