he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
