please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
