Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
