Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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