They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
