Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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