I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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