I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
