ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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