if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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