Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize