Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's never too late to be topless.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
