We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
