Your face is a jimmy john
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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