Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
