i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize