1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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