Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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