i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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