The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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