theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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