I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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