Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
