I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
