Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
