Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
