He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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