i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i dont even know how to be here
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
