He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
