community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
