your parents love me but you hate me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
