how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
