never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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