Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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