can u get pink eye on your cock?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
