dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
