i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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