I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
