So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
