I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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