There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
