Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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