I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
