apparently the secret to your success is patron
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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