You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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