M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Two words: blizzard sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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